


If Truth be the Food of Love Speak On

by sigh_no_more



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 06:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5446619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigh_no_more/pseuds/sigh_no_more
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Um, if I may…” Joly said, “Veritaserum is only designed to make the consumer speak truths when prompted. For interrogations, and the like. The alcohol is loosening Combeferre’s tongue, so the result is he’s not only truthy, he’s also blabby without prompting.”</p><p>“Are those the medical terms?” Feuilly asked dryly. </p><p>In an escalating prank war, Combeferre is drunk on firewhiskey and Veritaserum, and can't help but break the biggest rule the Amis have: do not talk about Grantaire and Enjolras's feelings for each other. Ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Truth be the Food of Love Speak On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [merelydovely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelydovely/gifts).



> For my fic giveaway. 
> 
> [Starfieldcanvas](http://starfieldcanvas.tumblr.com) asked for: Truth serum ExR. Either sodium pentathol or magical truth serum. Could be Grantaire finally has to stop pretending he truly doesn't care, or Enjolras has to open up about his doubts, or either one of them has to explain how much it hurts when the other mocks/disdains them, or a third person gets dosed and breaks the Les Amis taboo against discussing ExR with ExR by spending the entire time describing both sides of their relationship to each other

In hindsight, perhaps they should have expected this to happen. You did not get into a prank war with Patron-Minette without there being serious consequences.

It had started out innocently enough. Well, as innocent as anything involving Les Amis and Patron-Minette could be. Gavroche thought it would be funny to switch out Montparnasse’s special hair potion with a potion of his own invention . (And he was right. It was funny.)

That was when it all went downhill. The switch might have been harmless enough, but Patron-Minette couldn’t take a prank against one of their own lying down. When they demanded to know who was responsible, Bahorel and Joly took credit. Bahorel, because he was especially protective of young Gavroche. While Montparnasse wouldn’t have done anything to Gavroche, the same could not be said with certainty about the other three. Joly also took part of the blame because it was common knowledge Bahorel was abysmal at potions, and there was no way he had the know-how to pull that off without help.

Predictably, things blew up from there. Babet stole Bahorel’s beloved white Persian cat, Lady Fluffbutt McMeowypants III (Fluffy for short), and dyed her fur rainbow colors. Then Claquesous hit Joly with a hex that made him sneeze uncontrollably. At that point, Musichetta felt obligated to get involved, and things really started picking up steam. There were jinxes and hexes almost every hour. The Amis and Patron Minette all had to travel with the buddy system. Nowhere was safe. Outside, there was a good chance you would be chased down by cursed snowballs, as Courfeyrac and Marius had the misfortune of finding out. But inside, you might get attacked by one of the empty suits of armor, as Babet and Claquesous experienced firsthand. Every day, some new audacious prank topped the previous ones, and despite the fact that they were in the middle of midterms, and despite the impending holidays, no one showed any signs of slowing down.

So really, Cosette shouldn’t have been surprised when on the last Friday of the term, she and Enjolras were interrupted. They were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, quietly enjoying each other’s company. It was something they did from time to time. They sat next to each other, reading. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for pleasure. Sometimes they would discuss their books, other times they sat for hours without exchanging a word. Tonight, they sat in comfortable silence, when the door burst open. Bahorel came in, carrying a woozy looking Combeferre like a baby. On their heels were the rest of the Amis, looking varying degrees of worried and angry.

Enjolras shut his book. “Who do I have to kill?

Cosette seconded that motion. Just because she wasn’t surprised didn’t mean she wasn’t pissed as hell.

Combeferre was lowered onto the couch next to Enjolras. He flopped over, resting his head on Enjolras’s lap. Enjolras immediately started running his fingers through Combeferre’s hair.

“Thank you, Eros,” Combeferre said.

“Does he have a concussion?” Joly whispered loudly.

“Combeferre, you know this is _Enjolras_ ,” Bossuet said kindly.

Combeferre waved him off. “I knooow. But I called him Eros when we were little. Because his hair was even curlier than it is now, and he had chubby little cheeks. He looked like Cupid, but I called him Eros, because it started with the same letter as his name.” He pinched Enjolras’s cheeks. “You were so cute back then.”

Cosette hid a smile. Combeferre was only a year older than Enjolras, but sometimes he liked to hold that year over Enjolras’s head. Enjolras swatted his hands away.  “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone that,” he hissed.

“Well obviously, we’re going to need pictures,” Cosette said. “But first, what’s wrong with Combeferre?”

“Erm…” Bahorel rubbed his neck guiltily.

“That stupid prank war?” Cosette said. She had suspected as much, but the confirmation of it infuriated her. “I told you all this was going to escalate!”

“Can we save the I told you so’s for later?” Feuilly said.

“Fine. We need to figure out what’s wrong with him,” Cosette said briskly.

“Veritaserum,” Jehan said quickly. “Patron Minette spiked his drink with some Veritaserum.”

“That’s a weird prank,” Bossuet said.

“Well, not so weird when you realize they were planning on _kidnapping_ him and interrogating him for our weaknesses.”

“Damn,” Feuilly said. “You’re right, Cosette, this is getting out of control.”

“They know Combeferre knows more about us than anyone,” Joly said.

“Luckily Bahorel was on hand to take him to safety. Obviously, we couldn’t go to the Slytherin dormitory, even if it was closest,” Courfeyrac said. “Or Hufflepuff.”

Cosette nodded. Three out of four of Patron Minette were in Slytherin. And Gueulemer was in Hufflepuff. Sometimes she thought about how much more convenient it would be if all their enemies were in one house they could just steer clear of. Unfortunately, sorting was a little more complicated than that, so it wasn’t like all the good guys were in one house, and the bad guys in another.

“And we’d go to Ravenclaw so we could let Combeferre sleep this off in his own bed, but we were afraid none of us would figure out the riddle, especially with him in this state.”

“This is a really strong reaction to just Veritaserum,” Cosette said, kneeling by Combeferre, and trying to examine him.

“Welllllll….”Courfeyrac trailed off.

“You have five seconds to tell me what you’re not telling me before I hex you,” Cosette said, starting to lose her patience.

“ _Fine_. Combeferre and I might have had a few shots of firewhiskey to celebrate the end of exams. And then a few more shots to celebrate the upcoming holidays.”

Now that Cosette looked at him, Courfeyrac seemed a little wobbly. She sighed.

“Combeferre was tense and needed to relax. We both did,” Courfeyrac said defensively. “These were my last major exams before my OWLs in the spring, and Combeferre started having a panic attack about his NEWTs. Which I tried telling him are a year and a half away for him, but you know how he gets.”

“This is why you should leave drinking to the pros,” Grantaire said.

“We would have been fine if Patron-Minette hadn’t spiked his juice with Veritaserum beforehand!” Courfeyrac said defensively.

Enjolras had been watching the entire exchange with a frown on his face. It was a face Cosette knew well – his thinking face. He nodded decisively.

“We’ll deal with Patron Minette later. First things first, we should move Combeferre to a bed. We can use mine. Then we’ll keep an eye on Combeferre. If he starts getting worse, we should get a teacher, but then we’d probably have to explain the lead up to this, so let’s avoid that if possible. Combeferre, put your arm around me, and I’ll help you to bed.”

Combeferre stared at Enjolras with a somewhat dazed expression on his face. “You’re bossy,” he decided. Enjolras opened his mouth in protest, but Combeferre leaned in and whispered loudly. “Don’t worry. That’s one of the reasons Grantaire likes you. You should probably take _him_ to your bed. He’d probably enjoy it more than me.”

Everyone in the room froze. Enjolras looked confused, while Grantaire looked like he wanted to hurl himself into the roaring fireplace. The rest of the Amis exchanged panicked looks. Enjolras and Grantaire’s romantic feelings for each other were something they did not discuss. _Ever_. They had a meeting and everything, where they decided interfering with the two most stubborn people in the world’s love lives would end in nothing but disaster. If Enjolras or Grantaire crossed a line and said something a little too mean to the other, they would talk them down, but that was it.

“Are we….are we allowed to talk about this now?” Marius asked.

Courfeyrac and Cosette whacked him on his arm. He looked incredibly betrayed but thankfully kept quiet.

“Um, if I may…” Joly looked afraid to talk. Like one wrong word from him, and he too could get a double whack. “Veritaserum is only designed to make the consumer speak truths when prompted. For interrogations, and the like. The alcohol is loosening Combeferre’s tongue, so the result is he’s not only truthy, he’s also blabby without prompting.”

“Are those the medical terms?” Feuilly asked dryly.

“Shut up. They could be.” Bossuet said.

“So let’s get Combeferre to Enjolras’s room, and shut the door until the potion wears off,” Musichetta said.

“But-” Enjolras still looked confused. Worse, he looked resolved to get to the bottom of this.

“Just leave it,” Grantaire snapped.

“I don’t want to go to Enjolras’s room,” Combeferre said. “I want our two dumb friends to finally get together and be happy forever and ever. We _all_ want them to get together.”

“What does he mean you _all_ want us to get together?” Enjolras asked, his curiosity finally overpowering his concern.

“Oh, after the Les Amis meetings every week, we usually have a post-meeting, with everyone but you and Grantaire and talk about how frustrating it is that you two haven’t made out yet.”

“ _What?!_ ” Grantaire and Enjolras shrieked.

Joly tapped urgently on Bahorel’s shoulder. “Bahorel. Bahorel. You need to get Combeferre out of here.”

“Everyone goes to these meetings?” Enjolras demanded.

Combeferre nodded amiably. “Every week.”

Courfeyrac let out a hysterical giggle. “I think the firewhiskey has affected the Veritaserum, because now he’s talking nonsense!”

“Feuilly?” Enjolras said.

Cosette groaned internally. Enjolras asked Feuilly, because he was the most likely to give him a straight, honest answer.

“Yeah, that happens,” Feuilly shrugged. Bahorel hurled a pillow at him.

“Why though?” Grantaire said, his voice small. He looked so _hurt_. “Is this funny to you guys?”

“It’s frustrating,” Combeferre said. “You’ve been in love with Enjolras since you laid eyes on him on the Hogwarts Express, and you’ve been annoying him for basically as long. Which is a shame, because he likes you when you’re not purposefully antagonizing him. Well, he likes you regardless, but he likes you especially when you’re not trying to piss him off.”

“I haven’t…been…in _love_ …” Grantaire trailed off.

“Liar liar pants on fire,” Combeferre sang. “We’ve seen the way you look at him. And heard the way you talk about him. You want to kiss him and hold him and shower him with affection. And play with his hair. He really likes your hair, Enjolras.”

Enjolras was frozen with bewilderment, while Grantaire was slowly inching towards the door. Combeferre noticed, because of course he did. Even in his inebriated state, Combeferre didn’t miss anything.

“Don’t worry, Grantaire! Enjolras loves you too.”

Now it was Grantaire’s turn to freeze. Enjolras eyed the pillow next to him, and Cosette was suddenly very afraid that he might smother Combeferre.

“Whatever truth serum they spiked Combeferre with, it’s obviously shit,” Grantaire said, trying and failing to make it sound like a joke.

Both he and Enjolras looked like they wanted to commit murder suicides. The only other person whose discomfort rivalled theirs was Marius. Cosette pitied him. He never was good at dealing with awkward situations, which was unfortunate, since he frequently found himself in them. And while she sympathized with Marius, she wasn’t going to be the one to shut Combeferre up. He had said enough already that they might as well let all the cats out of the bag.

“Grantaire, Grantaire, _Grantaire_ ,” Combeferre said, grabbing the cynic’s face. “Enjolras does love you. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. He just thinks you hate him because you constantly mock his ideals. He doesn’t realize that you never mock _him_.”

Enjolras fidgeted as he processed Combeferre’s words.

“Look, Enjolras, just because Grantaire loves you doesn’t mean that he agrees with you on everything,” Cosette said.

“Hey!” Bossuet looked outraged. “Combeferre is breaking our rule because he’s doped up on Veritaserum and alcohol. What’s your excuse?”

“My excuse is like your stupid prank war, this,” Cosette gestured between Enjolras and Grantaire. “has been going long enough. And also, as a prefect, I might decide to give you all detention until you graduate for said prank war.”

“Carry on,” Joly said.

“I still don’t understand,” Enjolras pressed.

“Enjolras, Grantaire goes to every meeting. He designed posters for you. He _invented_ a charm so he could bewitch the Great Hall ceiling to advertise your rally for House Elf rights. And Grantaire, when you were in the hospital that one time because you got knocked out by a Bludger, and you were upset Enjolras wasn’t there, he actually stayed with you the entire time you were asleep, but he left when you woke up because he thought you wouldn’t want to see him. But he’s the one that collected all your homework assignments for you that week, not me. He asked me to say it was me because he didn’t think you’d accept his help.”

“Is that true?” Grantaire asked.

“Maybe. So what if it is?” Enjolras asked defensively.

“Thank you,” Grantaire said, smiling shyly at Enjolras, who to Cosette’s great relief, blushed.

“You two are perfect for each other because you’re both oblivious and dumb, but you care about each other a lot,” Combeferre said.

“We should probably talk,” Grantaire said.

Enjolras nodded. “But maybe not here.”

“Definitely not,” Grantaire agreed. He stood up and offered Enjolras his hand. Enjolras hesitated only for a fraction of a second, before accepting. The two of them walked towards the portrait hold entrance, hand in hand.

Combeferre beamed after them, satisfied, evidentially at a job well done. His eyes fell on Courfeyrac. “You look very handsome in this lighting. Well, you look very handsome all the time. And you also smell nice and your laugh is one of the top ten sounds in the entire world.”

“Um, thanks?” Courfeyrac said, a small blush spreading over his cheeks.

Combeferre nodded, then continued to look around the room. “Jehan is an Animagus,” he said conversationally.

Jehan squeaked. Everyone else tensed up, as they waited who next the Veritaserum would out.

“And remember that time Marius thought a ghost was stealing his candy? It wasn’t a ghost, it was—”

Courfeyrac dove in, and shut Combeferre up with a kiss. Cosette hid a grin. Maybe this prank war was a good thing after all.

**Author's Note:**

> So I got a little carried away with drunk Combeferre because I was having too much fun. 
> 
> For those of you wondering about the House divisions, yes, I made Enjolras a Gryffindor. I know fanon often has him as Slytherin, which I totally get, but I always thought he was too self-sacrificing for Slytherin. (Also, Marius is 100% also a Gryffindor. He is the Neville Longbottom of Les Amis and I will fight you on this). 
> 
> I'm [here](http://babesatthebarricade.tumblr.com)


End file.
